Donald Trump Junior:Asshole of the Week #6

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Donald Trump, Jr.: Asshole of the Week

Donald Trump Junior: Asshole of the Week

Announcing the MBW Asshole of the Week award winner. In recognition of excellence in assholiness and total indifference to the values of others, the winner is the sleazeball son of a scumbag former president: Donald John Trump, Junior.

Junior was born on New Years' eve, 1977 to Donald J. Trump and Ivana Zelníčková Trump—although Don Jr. remains on a continuing quest to discover the identity of his mother. He was the first child known to have been born with no will of his own. The latter condition was uncovered by his wet nurse who noticed he would not cry, no matter how hungry he got, without permission from his father.

Although admitted to the finest private schools, Junior spent much of his education seated in the corner of the classroom and wearing a conical hat. Despite proclamations from his teachers such as, "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" and "the gates are down, the lights are flashing, but there is no train coming", Don Jr. was admitted to the University of Pennsylvania, proving that money is still more important than test scores.

He received his B.S. in economics and an A.D.in general scummery and politics. After college Junior went on to a distinguished career as the chief lackey for his father. Don Sr. began referring to him as his favorite pawn and his 'go-to guy for taking the fall'. Senior gave him meaningless roles and titles to keep him distracted from his real job as the designated convict.

DJ became so proud of his pseudo-responsibilities that he forgot he was stupid and began to take himself seriously. He engaged in public speaking which originally consisted of various grunting sounds. He became a much better speaker when his speeches were either dictated by his father or written by his sister.

The results were rambling tirades mixed with insults aimed at, in his words, "those meanies who want me to wear the pointy hat again."

In his personal life, Donny was able to attract girls with his witty pick-up line, "My daddy is really rich." A similar approach had worked on all of his potential mothers—he hasn't ruled out Melania yet.

Mindful that he had done nothing on his own to become an asshole of the stature of his father. Junior began some 'covert'—easily discovered; remember this is junior—operations of his own. During the runup to the 2016 election, he arranged a meeting with a not-so-secret agent to get dirt on Hillary. He soon discovered his contact was like all the other women he had met and only wanted money. There was no dirt, prompting others at the meeting to mutter something about a dunce and sitting in a corner.

During the midterm elections of 2018, Don Jr. campaigned for every douchebag running for office, including notorious pedophile Matt "I like 'em young" Gaetz. Days before the election in 2020, Junior sent messages to White House chief of staff, Mark Meadows, discussing his plan to ensure his father remained President regardless of the outcome of the vote.

It was his work supporting the 'Big Lie', having his crappy book buoyed by the sales of $300,000 of Republican donor money, and copying the 'bearded greaseball' look from Ted Cruz that finally qualified him for Asshole of the Week status.

So congratulations go to Week 5's despicable winner Don "Help Me Daddy" Trump, Jr.

Coming soon: "SLAP JIM" Jordan, a game that is guaranteed to be fun for the whole family

Please feel free to nominate your favorite candidates in the comments.

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Bruce Workman

Bruce Workman

Bruce is a retired rubber chemist. He is the former publisher, editor and head writer for the county Democratic Party newsletter.

He is currenty a freelance writer, and a political activist. Bruce likes to read, research, write, design this website, and fish.

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Joie

    “Matt ‘I like em young’ Gaetz”
    That’s some darkly hilarious stuff🤣🤣

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