Lindsey Graham: Asshole of the Week 18
How do I pick an Asshole Of The Week? The first qualifier is the acceptance of Donald J. Trump as a legitimate player in the United States government. The man was, is, and always will be a psychological mess. The wiring is so crossed in this man’s head that no supreme being could fix him, even if the said being was a journeyman electrician working with a team of electrical engineers. In my humblest opinion, there are only three reasons for anyone to remain a supporter of this abomination: xenophobic racism, unfathomable foolish ignorance, or being a terrible human being.
In the next step, I think of someone who is truly despicable. Some unspeakable entity, a serpentine, evil, sycophantic, mustelid, and putrid, fecal matter that needs scraping from the soles and souls of the nation. Wait, that is not helping. I still have a major portion of the Republican party left as candidates. I guess it sometimes just comes down to whoever pops to mind when I think of the word ‘weasel’ and this week’s featured mustelid is none other than the sycophantic southern belle himself, Lindsey Graham. If you met him, you would instinctively avoid shaking his hand; believing the feeling would be similar to grabbing a lamprey eel.
Despite his naturally weaselly appearance and the other difficulties in assigning species, Lindsay “Belle” Graham was born human in South Carolina. No carpet bagger is he. I am sure if you looked deeply into his ancestry you would find slave owners and likely slave traders. Imagine the deepening terror of not only being chained in a ship under horrendous conditions, only to be met on arrival by someone resembling this disgusting, effeminate rodent-faced pansy (I use the word here in the sense of a mama’s boy).
Lindsey Belle graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from the University of South Carolina. Any knowledge he may have learned in that program seems to have escaped him while later dealing with a full-fledged narcissistic psychopath. Lindsey later received his Juris Doctorate at the University of South Carolina School of Law, where they apparently pass out JDs like party favors.
Lindsey misunderstood what the acronym “JAG” stood for and thinking it was a place for idle indulgence, mistakenly enrolled Judge Advocate General Corps of the U.S. Navy. While serving there he learned numerous lessons that would later help a fledgling political career. He received excellent grades in “Toadying”, “Advanced Sycophantism”, “Feigning Outrageous Anger” and “General Placating.”
It was after leaving the navy that he became a specialist in grandiose exaggeration. In keeping with his belief of how a “gamecock” behaves, he began strutting and embellishing his meager accomplishments thus far, much to the bemusement of any woman witnessing the dance of the “belle.” To hear Lindsey tell it, he had it rough and saw ‘action’ during his service as a naval pettifogger.
The fact that Lindsey has never married has been a subject of speculation. I find homosexuality the most human and acceptable explanation, but it is a conjecture he has denied on numerous occasions. I believe the answer is obvious. Despite being an effeminate mama’s boy, Lindsey is attracted to women. Many men are this way and there is nothing wrong with it if it works for them. Lindsay’s problem lies in his inflated sense of self-worth. Women cannot resist laughing or a least giggling a little when he preens and feigns machoism. This has led to a severe lack of confidence when dealing with members of the female gender. The real downside is that it may have led to resentment and could go a long way to explain his support for anti-abortion judges and misogynistic causes.
When asked if he could get any lower, Lindsey replied yes and ran for Strom Thurmond’s old Senate seat. Oh yes, he did some things in the state legislature and served in the U.S. House of Representatives, but who gives a shit. He was just another pompous ass and his sole infamous action was to lead the Clinton impeachment and unsuccessful trial in the Senate.
He tried unsuccessfully to find a political conscience while serving in the Senate. He just did not have the fortitude to take any but the most indefensible stands, often changing his mind mid-statement. Once a hypercritical (is such a thing is possible) opponent of Donald Trump he immediately fell into line after losing a critical who blinks first contest. He voted twice against conviction for impeachable offenses that were much more grievous and evidentiarily sound than those he had helped instigate against Clinton. He even pulled off another “I’m so mad” act at the Kavanaugh hearing that people are still laughing about today. It was like watching a toy poodle threaten a mastiff.
Lindsey remains an asshole to this day and for the foreseeable future. Laughter is indeed the best medicine for this particular affliction.